


finding my way (my heart leads me to you)

by devschreibt



Category: Motherland: Fort Salem (TV)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, F/F, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:08:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23952814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/devschreibt/pseuds/devschreibt
Summary: Raelle gulped heavily, lips trembling. “This can’t be real. You’re dead.” She breathed brokenly. That was what they kept saying. What they wanted her to accept. She had never accepted that, she couldn’t possibly accept that and just move on. But she got too tired of fighting them, got too tired of convincing them that Scylla had reached out to her. She got too tired of hoping.ORA rather in-depth look into that™ scene in 1x07 from Raelle’s POV
Relationships: Raelle Collar/Scylla Ramshorn
Comments: 22
Kudos: 179





	finding my way (my heart leads me to you)

**Author's Note:**

> In my defense, Taylor and Amalia are just too brilliant. And while watching them, I felt and saw so much more from Taylor’s expressions and movements. This was supposed to be less than 1000 words. So…oops. Please suffer with me.

Something felt off but she couldn’t decide what it was. Something felt off, she felt off. Something must have happened. But what? Soft whispers carried her out of her daze. It was cold. The room was too cold. It didn’t make sense. It didn’t feel right. But nothing had felt right since-

_Raelle…_

She tried to pry her eyes open but it was too heavy. The voice was all too familiar. But at the same time, it was a thing of the past, something that had long gone. But she knew that voice. She knew-

_Raelle…_

That was when she heard it, various unfamiliar sounds in the room. There was constant thump of water dripping against the ground. The ground. She wasn’t lying on her bed. No, she was on the ground and it was hard and unforgiving to her already shivering body.

_Raelle…_

Slowly she tried to open her eyes again, just a sliver and the world was blurry. All she could see was blinding lights surrounding her. She squeezed her eyes shut and then blinked them in quick succession and that was when it finally hit her. That voice-

“Raelle…”

It couldn’t be. Was she going insane? Because it couldn’t be. Scylla had been killed. Scylla was dead. They all kept saying that. They all kept wanting her to accept that.

But then that sweet voice called upon her once more and with eyes wide open, Raelle finally saw her. Her Scylla. Her devastatingly beautiful Scylla, for whom her heart had started to mend. She slowly pushed herself up, mouth agape and eyes unblinking.

“Raelle…” Scylla uttered once more, her voice fragile. But she smiled, a small unsure smile that lit up her eyes. Those eyes that always looked at Raelle like she was worthy. Like she was precious and special. Like she was to be believed in.

Raelle gulped heavily, lips trembling. “This can’t be real. You’re dead.” She breathed brokenly. That was what they kept saying. What they wanted her to accept. She had never accepted that, she couldn’t possibly accept that and just move on. But she got too tired of fighting them, got too tired of convincing them that Scylla had reached out to her. She got too tired of hoping.

“It’s me, it’s really me.”

Raelle crawled toward Scylla, slow and lethargic. Afraid that if she got closer too fast, she would only find that it was merely an illusion, her sleep deprived mind playing cruel games on her. Afraid that if she reached out, her hand would only grasp onto thin air, a wisp of Scylla’s shadow in her mind. It really was not real and Scylla wasn’t there because Scylla was dead.

But those eyes, those bright blue eyes, calling her, pulling her in, and she had never stood a chance. Those eyes had always been her lighthouse, her Northern star. The light that would carry her home. So she moved closer, not breaking eye contact even for a second. And as she was only an inch away, she knew.

“Oh my God, oh my God.” She broke into loud agonizing sobs, cradling Scylla’s head with both hands. It was real, she was holding the love of her life once more.

And she kissed her, letting out her broken cries against those lips. Lips that she thought she would never kiss again. She pressed her forehead against Scylla’s, disbelief coursing through her veins. This could still be just a dream. A nightmare.

But she would take this and stay here. She would take this nightmare playing on a loop if it meant she get to be with Scylla. If it meant she get to hold and kiss her over and over again.

She pulled away in such haste, fully realizing the condition Scylla was in. Both hands and feet chained to the chair and neck bound by a silencing collar. She traced her eyes all over Scylla’s body, hands moving frantically along.

She let go of her hold on Scylla’s neck, hands falling to grab on Scylla’s wrists, reminding herself to be gentle. The way she had always been with Scylla, the way she always would. “Did they hurt you?”

And Scylla shook her head, chasing Raelle’s touch, straining herself against the chains. “Did they hurt you?” Raelle repeated. And then she finally noticed the bruises coloring Scylla’s arms and wrists. She gasped harshly, array of emotions mixed altogether and she found it hard to breathe. She needed to free Scylla, she needed to get her out. They needed to-

But Scylla took a hold of her wrists, ceasing her panic ridden thoughts, tilting her head down so that she could look Raelle in the eyes, silently asking her to stop and listen.

“They’re gonna tell you horrible things about me.”

“Who?”

“All of them.”

Raelle moved her left hand up, holding onto Scylla’s neck. She couldn’t just let this go on any longer. She needed to get them out of there. She had to save Scylla. She couldn’t fail her again.

“Please don’t believe everything they tell you.”

She wouldn’t. She had told Scylla that it would always be them against the world. No matter what. She wasn’t gonna back out of that promise.

“So why would they do this to you?” She asked, scrunching her eyebrows, casting her gaze once more over Scylla’s body, broken and battered. She should sing her song and take all the pain away. Scylla had dealt with enough pain all her life, scars marring her skin and soul, fragments of horrible memories haunting her sleep, shaking her to her core.

Raelle had seen it with her own eyes, some nights when Scylla would thrash and squirm under a spell of her own twisted mind. And Raelle had been helpless, she couldn’t have changed any of that. But this, this she could do. She could relieve her from this torture. She just needed to sing her song. She just needed to-

Scylla pulled away, eyes welling in tears, lips quivering. “Cause they want something I can’t give them.”

“I don’t understand.” Raelle uttered, fixing her eyes at Scylla. Her hands continued to move all over, wanting to fully envelop Scylla in the safety and warmth of her arms. But Scylla’s hands took hers in a grounding grip, asking her to just be there and listen.

“This is all you need to know.” Scylla rasped, eyes piercing through Raelle’s soul. She took a breath, steadying herself and then, “I love you, Raelle.” She whispered, face alight with resolution. Her eyes softened as she swallowed and pushed down her tears. Tears that couldn’t be contained no matter how hard she tried.

“And I would never do anything to hurt you. Please believe me.” She begged, her voice breaking, more tears falling freely across her cheeks.

Raelle swallowed, clearing her throat. “I believe you.” She said instantly, nodding her head. She lunged forward, holding Scylla’s face in her hand, brushing the tears away. “I believe you.” She reiterated, trying her best to assure Scylla that no matter what, she was with her. They would figure this out together.

And then Raelle let out another loud cry, grabbing onto Scylla just a bit tighter. As if she couldn’t have enough of Scylla, because she could never have enough of Scylla. “I love you.” She said resolutely, gazing at Scylla with so much conviction in her eyes. Her cries grew louder and desperate. She hadn’t said it before and it had been her biggest regret, eating her away in every second of her waking thoughts.

She took ahold of Scylla’s face once more and they kissed as she pulled Scylla in as close as possible. It was everything she would never want to let go. She could taste Scylla’s tears on her lips as she whispered those three words against Scylla’s lips, stronger and firmer this time. “I love you.” She wished she had said before.

She wished she had said it again and again, when both of their bodies weren’t wrecked with agony, when both of their hearts weren’t filled with sorrow. When it would be just the two of them in Scylla’s bed as the sun shine through the window, lighting up Scylla’s face in such ways that make Raelle feel like she could breathe again.

“I’m so sorry.” Raelle cried, pressing her forehead against Scylla’s. “I’m sorry I didn't…” She said once more, because to her it all had been her fault. And she wanted to say more, she needed to apologize for everything. She needed Scylla to understand her remorse. She needed Scylla to forgive her.

_I’m sorry we didn’t go the beach._

_I’m sorry I had asked you to dance instead._

_I’m sorry I couldn’t bring you to the lighthouse._

_I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you._

_I’m sorry I couldn’t find you._

_I’m sorry I didn’t try harder._

_I’m sorry I let them make me lose hope._

_I’m sorry that I had been reckless with my life._

Loving Scylla had made her want to live again, instead of just waiting helplessly for wars to take her down. Loving Scylla had made her want to believe again, that there was still something good in the world to hold onto. But losing Scylla? It felt like death itself had taken over her being, driving this empty vessel to the brink of total oblivion.

And despite everything that Scylla had gone through, despite the fact that Raelle was the one who was supposed to be strong, who was supposed to do the saving now, Scylla kept being gentle as she whispered to her, over and over again, that it was okay. She hushed and breathed out words of affirmation, that she loved Raelle and that everything was gonna be okay.

Scylla grabbed her forearms so tightly as Raelle tilted her head up to kiss Scylla’s forehead, soothing words muffled against cold skin. And she held on like never before. But then such violent force pulled her back, grabbing her, harsh and unrelenting. And she thrashed and kicked with all her might, but they were too strong.

She watched helplessly as Scylla screamed for her, as Scylla’s face contorted in despair and defeat, begging them to let Raelle go. And that was the last thing she saw before her world went dark.

\-----

She woke up with a start, panting. It was all coming back to her, bits and pieces of Scylla flooding her mind. “Oh God.” She quickly jumped out of bed and hurriedly stirred Tally awake.

“Tally, wake up!”

“What? What’s wrong?”

“What time is it?” Abigail asked groggily from across the room. But it was nothing but white noise to her ears because Scylla was _alive_.

“Scylla’s alive.” She said out loud, trying to catch her breath. “I was in her jail cell. She’s being tortured. The Army is holding her.” She rambled, moving around the room with no purpose.

“Look at you, you’re sweating. Raelle, it was just a dream.” Abigail reassured softly. She had been so tender with Raelle lately, too tender that it was starting to sicken her. She didn’t need to be consoled. She didn’t need them to treat her like she was going to break any time soon. What she needed was for them to believe her.

“No! Abigail, it was real!” Raelle exclaimed with ragged breaths. She wouldn’t be deterred. Not anymore.

“After Charvel died, every nightmare felt real to me too.”

“I wasn’t dreaming.” She gasped, panting even more. She then realized the bile building up in her throat. And the next thing she knew, she was lurching forward, hand grabbing on her stomach. She fell to her knees, pulling a bucket closer.

She vomited into the bucket, heaving, hating the bitter taste in her mouth. And before she could even settle her breath, someone abruptly slammed the door open and barged in, surprising the three occupants in the room. Raelle looked up, swiping the corner of her lips with the heel of her hand. Upon finding her drill sergeant standing by the door, she groaned, letting her head lull towards the bucket.

Anacostia wasted no time in yelling out her orders. A city drop. Something that wasn’t supposed to happen this early into their basic training. Raelle couldn’t care less. Her main objective now was to find where they were keeping Scylla. Her priority now was to save her. The hell with the Army. The hell with Alder and Quartermaine. But then-

“Pull it together, Collar.”

And that was when she saw it, something that was gone in a blink of an eye but she saw it. A sort of hesitance in Anacostia’s blazing eyes.

_Waking up too fast will make you sick to your stomach._

Izadora’s voice played out in her mind. The headache, the nausea… _Scylla_. Everything fell into place. She had been put to sleep. Everything had been real and the world was going to persuade her once more that she had been dreaming. That she was just grieving and _grief is stubborn and wild._ But she knew better now. And she wasn’t going to let them fool her once more.

_I love you._

_I’m in this with you._

_I will never give up on you._

_\-----_

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[My Raylla Soulmate AU](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23827135/chapters/57253600)

**Author's Note:**

> I am filled with an unbearable sadness.


End file.
